my dear grandpapa...

for me to say the last couple of days have been rough would be an understatement.

my grandfather went to the hospital last monday due to significant blood loss. on thursday, my mom was told that he would only have a couple of days to live. the diagnosis was either lung or colon cancer. they ruled out lung cancer w/ some tests; however, because my grandfather was in so much pain, he couldn't get a colonoscopy. in any case, my grandfather had been weak for days before arriving to the hospital and hadn't really eaten anything. he was so exhausted and frail, he weighed less than 70 pounds. he was still somewhat alert the 1st couple of days in the hospital. by thursday, he became incoherent and wasn't really able to speak. on friday, to make him more comfortable, he was given doses of morphin. so, with the morphin, he was just peacefully sleeping. he never woke up again. so then we just waited...

when we were at the hospital, we couldn't cry. we had to be strong for our grandmother and mom. however, once they started, it's game over for the rest of us.
my poor grandmother had not left his side. my once jovial and "young" grandmother had been left sullen and devastated. my uncle stayed w/ my grandfather every night as well and he looked like he's lost 10 pounds. during the day, he refused to go home for fear of not being near to say his final goodbye. instead, he sacrificed by sleeping in the car for a couple of hours during the day. every day, my family took turns rotating to and from the hospital since we had to take care of our three boys. every night, we said good bye to our grandfather not knowing if it was the last time.

i said what was now the final goodbye on sunday night. early this morning, i found out that my grandfather had past right before midnight. thankfully, his wife, kids and several grandkids were able to say their final goodbyes. so, now, he looks down on us.

i've been lucky...i've grown up with all 3 of my grandparents (my paternal grandfather died when my father was an infant so i never knew him). i've never had to experience such loss and sadness. we console each other knowing my grandfather lived an absolutely full life... he had a loving wife, 3 devoted children, 9 amazing grandchildren and 11 beautiful great grandchildren. his memories live on in all of us.

his services are this sunday and i know i'm just going to be a mess...

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